Have been thinking about my attractions recently, specifically my #bisexual label. It's true as far as me being genital-agnostic goes, there's really no way I could care less about what you have when it comes to play, "well washed and clean" is what I'm looking for. These things also don't have a gender assigned to them for me, so bring your shenises, boyginas, pantilicious chaos, I welcome any and all.
However, I seem to be more particular about your gender, in that I gravitate towards the feminine side of things. And the reason is sad, in that masculinity seems to be overwhelmingly this fragile thing, that for all the professed strength, relies so heavily on narrowing, external shoring up, others affirming it, others diminishing themselves.
Of course I'm aware that this is not a "men" problem, but a "patriarchy" problem. But I'm of an age now where I got a lot of shit in myself clear, and I expect you to be clear on yours as well. If you need me to feel manly in yourself, I'm not interested in making that happen. I expect you to be self sufficient in terms of your identity, and I don't feel like nursing a partner through that process with my emotional labour. I've got shit going on that drains my spoons faster than the space shuttle its solid fuel boosters, and sometimes about as volatile.
Similarly, I find myself not interested in #cis partners. I've spent nine years sorting things out, and it feels pretty exhausting to start with crayons again for pillow talk like "so, you've been a girl stuck in a guy's body, then?", however sincerely clueless and good faith that person might be. Don't get me wrong, educating on these matters apparently came bolted on with being #trans, and worse, #nonbinary, but I see my obligation to step out of a partner role and into an educator role ended with my divorce. It was a fair idea when I had a preexisting, surprised cis partner at the the start of my transition that I take them with me on that journey, but it feels like an imposition on me to code switch now to build-a-bear a new partner who had every opportunity to get some baseline knowledge before getting involved. It's not like I'm secretive about what I am, or naturally particularly stealthy.
The tragedy is, there are awesome cis and/or male people who fit that, but finding them is yet another worse spoon sink than a month of coffee, cereal and soup. I end up functionally t4t-exlusive and lesbian/sapphic not because that is where my strongest attraction is (it might be, but that's beside the point), but because everything else is pretty damn inaccessible in these patriarchic conditions.
Dr. Figuring-things-aut
Als Antwort auf Jules • • •Jules
Als Antwort auf Dr. Figuring-things-aut • • •dasgrueneblatt
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Als Antwort auf Jules • • •Irina
Unbekannter Ursprungsbeitrag • • •trainguyrom
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Als Antwort auf Jules • • •Agnieszka R. Turczyńska
Als Antwort auf Jules • • •Straybun (she/her)
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Unbekannter Ursprungsbeitrag • • •@GinevraCat yeah, here too, elementary school seems to be a lot more into gender policing. But there are a few kids who present in ways not conforming to their assigned genders 🙂
And yes, preferences just change as well.
@irina
Linda (she/her)
Als Antwort auf Jules • • •Easydor
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