Today, #LoveOfMyLife mentioned how much she enjoys it that we do so much together nowadays: bike-riding through Bavaria, swimming in the Isar, dancing, even yoga - and my response was "IKR?" because, well, it was so awkward for me to realize, just in that moment, how much *I* love these things and more...

... which opened up a can of worms during "yoga + meditation" today...

During the meditation I remembered how much I LOVED biking, singing, dancing, swimming, being social with friends, being a nice and loving person, and so many others things - all of which, I remembered, disappeared, like - as the saying goes - "tears in rain" - the moment I went through puberty.

All of that stuff - gone; all of that joy, that happiness, those things that I loved - gone! Forever ... gone! 😢

This realization -- it hurt so much, the moment during meditation, I nearly cried - the pain, the hurt -- I remembered all of that beauty, all of those wonderful days, times - me singing at parties and everybody being silent to listen to me, singing, some of the most beautiful or sad love songs - OMG - my eyes are full of tears - I can see all the people, at wedding parties, listening to my voice, to me singing and watching me dancing - I was a great dancer, really beautiful dancer - I loved all of that... I remember - all of it now - riding my bike through Berlin (West), riding through the city, distances other children would never dare, riding, riding - I remember the time in Turkey, in our village, where I loved, I fought, I didn't care about genders, I remember even trying to be intimate with other boys, we didn't think it was bad, we didn't care, none of us did - we just loved (or liked?) ... I remember the summer evenings when I drove my sheep herd home, singing, singing like the greatest singer, love songs, full of sorrow, full of joy, my sheep listening to me ... I remember all of that.

And all of that was gone, buried, gone - and finally, finally after so many decades of living a (mostly) wrong life - it is all coming back: I love swimming, I love singing, I love dancing, I love biking, I love love, I love people, I love ...

And I won't stop, this is just the beginning - being myself, OMFG, how much did I miss "while *I* was gone"??

No, nobody will evere be able to stop me being me again - no society, no politician, no God, nobody! This is my life, and I am so glad I realized it before my death.

Here we go, the next chapter...

I am Imdat Celeste, I always was and I always will be - nice to be making your acquaintance.

#ReIntroduction