An Encounter at the Reception Desk

Good morning, Madam. Welcome to Frostings. How may help you?
Good morning! I'm here for a meeting with Victor Rumbaba.
Is he expecting you?
He is indeed.
Let me just check on the system for you. Can you spell Rhubarb for me?
Er, sure. R.H.U.B.A.R.B.
Typing
I'm afraid that's not coming up on the system. Can you spell his name again?
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were testing my spelling for some reason. That's R.U.M.B.A.B.A.
Typing
There he is. I'm afraid there is no record of him expecting guests this morning, so I will need to take your details. Can I have some ID, please?
Of course. Here you go.
That's a gym-membership card.
Oh sorry. Hold on. Here's my licence.
Thank you, Ms Genoise.
Typing
What company are you from?
Battenberg.
Typing
Can you look into the camera?
Sure.
That's actually my water bottle.
I'm so sorry. Everything here looks like it could be a device.
The camera is just here.
I'm so sorry.
Just stand back a bit. You don't need to be quite so close.
Not quite so far. That's it. Thank you.
Printer whirrs
Hold on a second. We've run out of stickers for the visitor passes. I'll just radio my colleague. Alpha Bravo Windowcleaner, come in.
Tango Lemonade Delta. Receiving you loud and clear.
Over.
Alpha Bravo Windowcleaner, we need stickers for the visitor passes. Do you know where they are? Over.
Tango Lemonade Delta, in the cabinet on the left. The one with the crisps. Over.
Wilco. Over and Out. Let me just load this up for you, Ms Genoise, and we'll get it printed off.
Tray-opening. Grunting. Printing
Right. Here's your pass.
Is this OK? I'm just a silhouette on this, you would have no idea it's me.
Don't worry. I've worked here for 23 years and no one ever looks at the photo.
Why do you need one then?
Protocol. Just stick it somewhere on your jacket. I'll call up to let Mr Rumbaba know that you are here.
Pushing of buttons
I'm afraid no one is picking up. Let me leave a message.
Hello, this is reception. I have Mildred Genoise waiting for you.
Does anyone ever pick up?
Not any more. I'm not even sure people have phones on their desks up there. I sometimes think I might as well be sending interstellar messages to aliens.
So what happens now?
I send him an email saying exactly the same thing.
Typing
Does that work any better?
No.
A cough from behind
Mildred? It's me. Victor.
Oh hello! We were just trying to get hold of you.
Yes, sorry. I was coming from another meeting outside the building and thought it must be you.
No problem.
Well, one problem actually. Turns to reception. Hello. I left my pass at home. Could you let us in?
I'm atraid not. I'll need to get someone to vouch for you.
Really? We've been on silent-nodding terms for years.
Really. Can you give me the name of a colleague to call?
Er, yes. Try Sam Bundt.
Sound of someone pushing buttons.
No one is picking up. I'll leave a message. Hello, this is reception. Can you come down to vouch for someone who has lost their pass?
I'm pretty sure we don't have phones on our desks. I'll WhatsApp Sam.
Texting sounds
Success! He's on his way.
I'm afraid you'll still need to sign in, Mr Rumbaba.
Really? Why?
Protocol. My colleague won't let you through those barriers without a pass. Who are you here to see?
No one. I'm the person being visited.
Hmmm. This could be a problem.
Do you ever worry that your job might be taken over by a computer?
I don't think so. You can't really replace the human touch, can you?

From "The Economist - Bartleby", Feb 8th, 2025

today's contemplation: can I get a Gender Recognition Certificate under just "eta", with no surname?

the UK has no laws about what names must look like, and case law provides that your legal name is just what people generally call you. When I started using a new name in 2021, I wrote out a deed poll which included a surname, mostly because if I hadn't I would have had to argue with literally everyone to get anything done (the DVLA would have given me a hard time about it, my passport would have read "XXX / ETA" causing travel nightmares, etc.). This then led to a driving license with a surname, a passport with a surname, a set of medical records with a surname, and so on and so forth. I don't really want one, but people's systems are broken, so it's easier this way.

So anyway, when you apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate you have to fill out a statutory declaration (form T467) saying it's permanent, that you've been trans for however long, and some other guff. As part of this, you have to write down your name. Now, obviously, what most people do is they put whatever they had on their deed poll in this box, and they get a GRC in that name; this also means they can get a new birth certificate in that name (per GRA 2004 Schedule 3). This makes a nice little "alternate history" where they can make it seem like they were "always" that name; they were born that way, their ID documents show that's what they're called, and everything looks very fine and normal.

This, however, is just convention. Nothing in the Gender Recognition Act 2004 says this is how it has to work; there's no provision saying the name has to match what's on your deed poll, or medical reports, or supporting evidence. You need to prove you're "trans enough" for the purposes of Section 2, but that's about gender, not name! There's also no requirement to fill out the form with a surname -- it's a free text field.

So hypothetically, I could fill out the form as just "eta", and they'd give me a certificate that just says "eta". This would make me quite pleased; it's my name! Properly written! (In fact, I don't think I'd want a certificate if it wasn't properly written!) It would also have the fun side effect of creating an inconsistent set of identity documents -- in the new "alternate history", I'd have a birth certificate without a surname, but I'd somehow manage to acquire one on my passport and driving license later on. This is a little weird, but maybe it's fine to be a little weird